Host: 'The Cuttle'
So, we (the CounZzil, not to be confused with the LVS ‘Council’ or Zedkins) had another meeting. It was a little special, and possibly a little wacky. Our host, Cuttlemaster, who has insisted we call him “The Cuttle” and mention that he can’t be scuttled, made a particularly unique political broadcast ,which we have handily transcribed so you can browse at your leisure:
"Thank you. Thank you. Thats right, I love you guys. Hard working people. Honest people. Thats right, I have great respect for you people. But LVS just isn’t fair. It just isn't fair against the people that paid for it, the people that worked on it- look,I'm not saying they’re bad, look - no I - What I'm saying is I Love LVS. I Love what they're doing, some of my greatest builds were done against LVS and they respect me for it. I mean some even challenged me to a duel, I said OK, I'm a fair and honest man, I accept your deal. But they’re LIARS. They send their liars, their cowards and their minigame builders. That's not what we want - look, ok, I'm not racist, but look - look at that Council they have, 5 thousand hours Zedwick put into making a gif- a gif! I’ve got hundreds of gifs, and for how much? 5 minutes. Not for 500 hours, Okay?
Everything about Zedwork is broken, the website is broken, even the tumblr page is broken. Look, I have friends who are mods, very successful mods, and they are just up and leaving. The mods are closing up the shop (plugin). He said, I have more coders than I have players. And he says he needs it because the website is so terrible and so complicated and he’s never had that before. And he was a very successful guy. But it's happening more and more. (R.I.P Hylander)
Now, we have to build a fence. A great big fence, that's beautiful, and spans the whole length and stops people from just walking over the border. Did I say fence? I mean a wall. A great big wall, and trust me, nobody builds walls better than Cuttlemaster. I made great deals. I’m known for it, I mean, there’s a region, I built a new temple made all out of coal. Great big temple, right opposite a melon church. Where did I get that land? From Zedwick. I bought it off of Zedwick, he’s just letting it go, and I’m laughing because I know one day it's going to be beautiful. It’s not fair, it’s not right and it's just incompetent. I saw on the computer screen there were mods, mods sitting there with banhammers in their hands just letting people walk right in. So trust me, I’m an honest, hardworking man, and I can build a great big border. A great big powerful border, I can build it, right in the dirt.
Builds. Minigames. The Lobby. I mean, I've made a lot of money in the lobby. 5000 blocks from Zedwick, I’m promised, and what does he do? Block chests. This is not fair, corrupt, and I deserve better. I mean, it’s not been easy for me. When I was young, I had a difficult life, scavenging wifi from fast food joints and coffee shops. Then my father came and he told me Son, you should tell the people the truth. You should go on to where a vegetable on your head, preferably orange, and then he gave me a small loan of a million diamonds. Which I promptly spent on saddles at Lala’s shop. Like I said, it’s not been easy for me. And then Zedwick set him on fire. I know, yes I- I know! We are honest, hardworking people and he removes glitch stacking, he removes /pong, and all I can say is he's either extremely incompetent, which more and more people have been saying but I’m pretty sure I said it first so they owe me now, or he has some ulterior motive, which wouldn't surprise me really, and you know, now that I think about it, is perfectly possible. But however you say it, Zedwork is broken. Broken, Broken, Broken, and only ‘The Kettlemaster’ can fix it."
As you can see, Cuttlemaster’s campaign has been based on strong foundations - the set of policies he has promised to enact:
-Bring back /pong
-Securing our LVS border (build a wall!)
-NPC’s for everyone
-Infinite mini worlds
-Restoring region posts to glowstone
-Renewed sanctions on LVS for developing nuclear weapons (we all know they’re doing it)
And this is why the CounZzil has chosen to support 'The Cuttle' in his bid to be the new President of Zedwork. Truly, here is a man who will not be scuttled any time soon.